Tamlyn

Well, we’re about to leave india (28 hours and 5 minutes to go) and I really, really could not be more pleased.

But first. BenG and Andrew didn’t make it onto the bus in Kathmandu so myself and BenP left them to their toilets and went by ourselves. They joined us the next day and all was dandy. Then we realised that we really had very little time to go trekking (about 4 days cutting it very fine) so we decided to scrap trekking and go on a three (two) day safari at chitwan national park instead. It’s on the way to India and we wanted to go for a day anyway. the others tell me it was quite good but I was horribly ill on the second (which happens to be the main) day. All the way through the jungle walk I thought I was about to give birth to the Alien and I was trying to throw up but couldn’t and it really wasn’t nice at all.

We saw a rhino (well, they did, I was on the ground trying to throw up and the guide was telling me not to sit down cos if the rhino charged we’d have to run but since I was unable to walk faster than a crawl and rhino’s can touch 40 km/h I think there was little chance of doing anything other than briefly observing a charging rhino head-on until I got spiked and carried along on it’s single horn if it had decided on such a course of action). Then there was the elephant ride which was bearable if I kept reminding myself how unbearable the morning ordeal was. The guides would keep pointing to a bush or a tree and saying things like “saba deer” or “kingfisher” but I think they were making it up.

We got to Sunauli and were preyed on by some nasty people who HUGELY overcharged us for some tickets to Varanasi on the night train. Then the bus journey to the station (3 hours with no leg room) then the bloke with our tickets was out to dinner then we didn’t actually have tickets then we had to pay him to go and buy us some and then we finally made it onto the train and to Varanasi with not too much trouble. Varanasi was a bit of a dump and it would take too long to recount all the rip-offs we were subjected to. We booked our tickets to Agra on the night train through a seemingly reputable travel place and payed 1/3 of what we paid for the other train journey even though it’s further. They got our tickets but only three of them, on the day train and they weren’t from Varanasi but from Alahabad which is about 200 km away. Don’t worry, they said, slip the conductor guy 50 rupees and it’ll be fine. When we got to the station we were told that our tickets were “waiting list”, basically we didn’t have any seats. But for Rs. 100 the conductor’s little helper got us some decent bunks. Until Alahabad. then 5000 little fuckers crammed in all saying this is my bed, this is my seat fuck off you foreigner, but all in hindi and all at the same time so we were eventually forced out of the carriage all together with our incredibly heavy luggage and down the train we went. Every time we stopped we were shouted at and forced to move on. Where! we shouted at them, tell us where and we’ll gladly go. So they shouted at us in hindi and we moved on blindly. We eventually found somewhere to put our bags which we thought was the canteen (it was in the canteen wagon). So every time we were asked to move we bought some pepsi, or some rice, or whatever until we managed to befriend the waiter blokes who didn’t speak a word of english except tea which is the only word I know in hindi anyway. There was still one little fuck who wouldn’t leave us alone and kept telling us to move but we just stood there and said Where? and his requests got fewer and fewer. I later realised that it wasn’t the canteen but the kitchen staff living quarters but since they were all busily running up and down the train shouting Chai! it didn’t bother them too much. Andrew also kept giving them cigarettes. So our 10 hour journey through hell continued until we reached somewhere 5 minutes from Agra station and the train decided to stop for an hour. Then it went on for 2 minutes and stopped for another 30 minutes. We’d made a few friends in the train, one rich Indian woman with perfect English said she would help us buy tickets and find a good hotel but when we got out and followed her out the station she actually went way out of her way to avoid us so she was obviously bullshitting too like the rest of them. That’s when we finally realised that however nice they seem they’re only out to get your money or your life or anything else you own. Every single one. And it goes on and on and they’re all fucks and I really am going to kill them all.

Bear in mind that I’m tired as I write this and in an incredibly fucked off mood and it’s got to the stage that anyone who says anything to me in the street, I just shout at them to Fuck off! or something similar. They even whistle to you like a dog to get your attention.

Where are you going?
I’m going to kill all your family. Fuck off.

England?
India! wow what a coincidence. now fuck off.

Die!

Die!

Die!

All of you!

Someone lend me a nuke and I’ll sort this country out.

Still we’re leaving soon. And it really can’t be soon enough.

Then there’s all the other westerners. They’re all freaks. Come to find themselves no doubt.

Oh and the Taj is shite. costs 25 usd too. what a fucking joke.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh.

Just been to MacDonalds and then tried to go and see a film both of which we’ve been craving all week only to find that all the films are bollywood crap and only start every three hours. This is the Odeon we’re talking about.

Bloody country.

And they wonder why they don’t get enough tourists.

I’ve also been shat on by three birds today. Unless it was the same one that followed me around. Even the birds are out to get you.

I thought Nepal was bad but it seems like a haven of peace and quiet now.

Thailand, Thailand, wonderful Thailand. Here we come to soothe our aching hearts in your waters of joy. I mean the sea.

(27 hours and 20 minutes to go.)

At least the internet’s cheap.